Sept. 15th - 17th: Things are GREAT again. I'm working harder to love Winn and trying not to be selfish. I've never felt so happy. I love Winn so much. We're closer than we've ever been. We hung up all of our pictures. Our apartment looks really cute. Monday night we were both feeling crazy. We danced all over the apartment. We have been laughing, kissing, and teasing each other. Winn has complimented me on all my meals and he told me that he loves me. I love being married and being with Winn. I couldn't ask for more in this whole world. We hug each other all night. It is nice being close. It sure makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Marriage is great! It's nice to love and be loved. It beats single life 10 to 1. I've sure learned a lot in the last 2 weeks. The biggest thing I have learned is that in marriage you have to give all you can give and never think about yourself or what's even. It takes hard work but it's worth it. It gives my life the purpose that I felt missing before.
I went up on campus a few times this week and I saw a lot of people I knew. It was fun. I saw Kevin, Craig, Dave, Mark F., Glen, Bob, Sandy, Karl, Scotty, Rick and tons of other friends. It's fun seeing all my friends again and telling them that I'm married. Most of the guys I've dated were really surprised. I talked to Scotty the longest. He told me that I broke Mark's heart. He couldn't believe that I finally decided to settle down and get married. He needs to do the same. I've gotten a lot of attention from the guys all week and I have even been asked out a few times. It doesn't make me a bit sad. I'm happy with what I’ve got. I only think about Winn now. I've never been so settled down and content. I couldn't be happier.
I finally got my resumes into placement but I haven't heard back from them. I'm anxious to get a job and be making some money to help out. We keep praying about it in our family prayers. I hope something works out soon. I really want to contribute to our life together.
Most of Thursday I spent home alone. I felt lonely. I wish I had a job. Winn didn't come home until 8:00 and we had a late dinner. I missed him. It makes me feel happy when he's around. I want to be a perfect person for him., and I feel so far from it.
All day Saturday I cleaned house and Winn worked on cars and his motorcycle. Every time we passed each other we kissed for 10 minutes. It made the work seem more like fun. He loves what I cook for him. It makes me feel really good and want to try even harder.
Sunday we slept in and then laid around relaxing half the day. It was nice. It's so fun cuddling and kissing and everything else. It's nice being close to someone and loving someone.
Winn cooked a really good dinner tonight of barbequed chicken. He's a good cook. We ate by candlelight in the living room. It was really fun. We've been sharing a lot of neat and fun times. We love being together and we get along perfect.
Sept. 24th – Sept. 28th: I've been feeling really down about not having a job. It sure is hard finding a job in a college town. I feel like a burden to Winn. I'm only costing him money. One night I was feeling really down and discouraged and I went for a walk and cried out my frustrations. I'm down on myself because I'm not beautiful and skinny enough for Winn and I'm feeling bad about costing him money without helping him financially. It is hard knowing Winn would be better off without me. It was a hard day for me. I felt very discouraged. I hid my feelings from Winn. I was afraid to tell him how I feel because I was afraid he would agree with me, that I'm a burden.
Note: I will put up one more post on the life of a newlywed. I ran into Mark in my next post and talked to him. It is never fun talking to someone after you have broken their heart.
Note to Winn: If you were counting up bad days and good days to see how happy I was being married, then I hope you tally up this page. It sounds to me like I'm pretty happy. I think I will blame all the bad days on female hormones. I do feel like a queen already. Thanks for the royal treatment. :)