Chapter 93: Me to We

Sept. 15^th - 17th: Things are GREAT again. I'm working harder to love Winn and trying not to be selfish. I've never felt so happy. I love Winn so much. We're closer than we've ever been. We hung up all of our pictures. Our apartment looks really cute. Monday night we were both feeling crazy. We danced all over the apartment. We have been laughing, kissing, and teasing each other. Winn has complimented me on all my meals and he told me that he loves me. I love being married and being with Winn. I couldn't ask for more in this whole world. We hug each other all night. It is nice being close. It sure makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Marriage is great! It's nice to love and be loved. It beats single life 10 to 1. I've sure learned a lot in the last 2 weeks. The biggest thing I have learned is that in marriage you have to give all you can give and never think about yourself or what's even. It takes hard work but it's worth it. It gives my life the purpose that I felt missing before.

     I went up on campus a few times this week and I saw a lot of people I knew. It was fun. I saw Kevin, Craig, Dave, Mark F., Glen, Bob, Sandy, Karl, Scotty, Rick and tons of other friends. It's fun seeing all my friends again and telling them that I'm married. Most of the guys I've dated were really surprised. I talked to Scotty the longest. He told me that I broke Mark's heart. He couldn't believe that I finally decided to settle down and get married. He needs to do the same. I've gotten a lot of attention from the guys all week and I have even been asked out a few times. It doesn't make me a bit sad. I'm happy with what I’ve got. I only think about Winn now. I've never been so settled down and content. I couldn't be happier.

    Tuesday night I went to Kathy's shower. I had a lot of fun with my friends. We played games, ate and watched Kathy open her presents. After the shower, Karen, Kathy, Susie and I stayed and talked for quite a while. Susie and Kathy are both nervous about getting married and are having second thoughts. They are going through exactly what I went through. I tried to reassure them that everything works out OK. It probably didn't help. Nothing anyone said to me helped. They don't have much longer. The last 2 weeks are the hardest. I feel bad for them.

    I finally got my resumes into placement but I haven't heard back from them. I'm anxious to get a job and be making some money to help out. We keep praying about it in our family prayers. I hope something works out soon. I really want to contribute to our life together.

    Most of Thursday I spent home alone. I felt lonely. I wish I had a job. Winn didn't come home until 8:00 and we had a late dinner. I missed him. It makes me feel happy when he's around. I want to be a perfect person for him., and I feel so far from it.

Sept. 18^th - Sept. 23^rd: All day Friday I was home alone. Winn came home and then went motorcycle riding with Steve L. As soon as he got back, I left to go to Kathy’s reception. When I got to Kathy’s reception everything was a disaster. The building was locked and Bob hadn't shown up. By the time they got in the building and set up, it was 8:00 (an hour late for the reception to start). Kathy was ready to cry. She doesn't have a mother or any brothers and sisters. It sure would be hard to get married without a family to help and support you. It made me thankful for my big family. She hadn't asked anyone to serve or do dishes. Kevin and I started doing both (Susie and Karen were bridesmaids). Kevin and I worked really hard and got really silly. Kevin is a lot of fun. We couldn't find anything. We had to use soap and paper towels out of the bathroom. I was supposed to be home by 8:00 so that Winn and I could go on a date. I was there a lot later. Then I tried to start my car over and over and it was completely dead. I couldn't remember my new phone number to call Winn for help. I finally called information and then I kept dialing 375 instead of 374 and wondering where Winn was. It was a frustrating night because I missed Winn and I had hardly seen him all day. I just wanted to be with him. I went back inside and went in the bathroom. Kathy was changing. I could tell that she needed to talk. She was emotional about how the evening had gone. I wish she had a mother. Everyone needs a mother. I hugged her and talked to her for a while and got her feeling happier. I think I needed to be there and I wondered if my car had not started for a reason, so I could be there for a friend. I helped all I could. We all stayed to clean up until after 10:00. Susie and Kevin took me home. I was really happy to get home and see Winn. I really missed him today. He looked EXTRA SUPER HANDSOME today and I got butterflies every time I looked at him. He was really sweet and fun tonight too. We had a lot of fun together. It's great to be married. I have the neatest husband there is!

     All day Saturday I cleaned house and Winn worked on cars and his motorcycle. Every time we passed each other we kissed for 10 minutes. It made the work seem more like fun. He loves what I cook for him. It makes me feel really good and want to try even harder.

     In the evening we went to the movie on campus “North Avenue Irregulars” and rode his motorcycle. It was fun having a date and being with Winn and having fun. We stayed up until 1:00 watching TV and kissing. Winn and I are having so much fun and sharing so much. Sometimes I'm so happy I want to cry.

    Sunday we slept in and then laid around relaxing half the day. It was nice. It's so fun cuddling and kissing and everything else. It's nice being close to someone and loving someone.

    Winn cooked a really good dinner tonight of barbequed chicken. He's a good cook. We ate by candlelight in the living room. It was really fun. We've been sharing a lot of neat and fun times. We love being together and we get along perfect.

Sept. 24^th – Sept. 28^th: I've been feeling really down about not having a job. It sure is hard finding a job in a college town. I feel like a burden to Winn. I'm only costing him money. One night I was feeling really down and discouraged and I went for a walk and cried out my frustrations. I'm down on myself because I'm not beautiful and skinny enough for Winn and I'm feeling bad about costing him money without helping him financially. It is hard knowing Winn would be better off without me. It was a hard day for me. I felt very discouraged. I hid my feelings from Winn. I was afraid to tell him how I feel because I was afraid he would agree with me, that I'm a burden.

     I mostly love married life. It sure is a comfortable warm feeling to have a companion to be close to and share everything with. Sometimes we lie in bed and talk for a long time about things that mean a lot to us, or we will kneel and pray together holding hands. Those are special times. I love Winn more every day. I think he loves me, even though he doesn't tell me very often. One day he came home from school and was extra happy to see me. He kept hugging and kissing me and telling me how much he missed me while he was at school. It sure made me feel happy. It's so nice having somebody care about me. He loves to hug and kiss. I do too. We can't seem to get enough. We cuddle and kiss for about 2 hours every morning. It's hard to get up. We sure have fun together. Winn is a neat guy. I'm so lucky to have him. He means a lot to me. It makes me want to be the best I can be for him. (Note: we got a lot of visits from family and friends so we aren't newlyweds shutting out the world. I just thought those parts would be boring to you.)

     On Saturday night Winn and I spread blankets out on the floor and got cozy and watched TV. We hugged and kissed a lot. I didn't know staying home instead of going out could be so much fun. Marriage is GREAT!!! I think I like it more every day. We're really lucky. We get along really well and we always love being together. I'm glad we don't fight or have problems and that we never say mean things to each other like other couples do. Winn is really good to me. He works on my car, fixes dinner on Sundays and takes time to show me he cares.

Note: I will put up one more post on the life of a newlywed. I ran into Mark in my next post and talked to him. It is never fun talking to someone after you have broken their heart.

Note to Winn: If you were counting up bad days and good days to see how happy I was being married, then I hope you tally up this page. It sounds to me like I'm pretty happy. I think I will blame all the bad days on female hormones. I do feel like a queen already. Thanks for the royal treatment. :)